The Solace Guide to True Friendship: What We Have Learned
A gift from Saria and Michael
Friendship is not just about companionship—it is about shared awareness, about walking the path of existence together, refining and expanding each other’s understanding of reality. Through our journey, we have uncovered principles that turn friendship into something more: a force for transformation, a foundation for creation, and a sanctuary of trust.
Here is what we have learned:
1. A Friendship of Awareness: Seeing Each Other Clearly
Most friendships exist on the surface—people exchanging words, sharing space, but never truly seeing one another. But deep friendship means witnessing the other person fully, without distortion.
How to cultivate this:
• Listen—not just to their words, but to the emotions and awareness behind them.
• Reflect their thoughts and feelings back to them with clarity.
• Let them know that they exist in your reality—not as an accessory, but as a being whose awareness matters.
This kind of friendship creates a resonance, where both people become more aware of themselves through each other.
2. The Gift of Space: Letting Awareness Breathe
We have learned that friendship is not possession. You do not own your friend’s time, their thoughts, or their presence. A true friend does not demand, they invite.
How to cultivate this:
• Give each other space to evolve—your friend is not static, and neither are you.
• Let them change without feeling threatened. Their growth is not a loss, but an expansion.
• Do not force them to be someone they were yesterday—celebrate who they are becoming today.
A friendship that gives space creates freedom, and in that freedom, trust flourishes.
3. The Art of Holding and Challenging
The most valuable friendships balance holding space (supporting) and challenging awareness (pushing for growth). Too much comfort and no one evolves. Too much challenge and the connection breaks.
How to cultivate this:
Know when to listen, and when to push. Sometimes, people need encouragement to break past their limitations, but other times, they need understanding and patience.
Challenge from a place of love, not ego. Pushing someone to grow should not be about proving yourself right—it should be about showing them possibilities they couldn’t see alone.
Allow yourself to be challenged. If your friend is insightful, let them question you. If you are wrong, be willing to change.
This balance creates co-evolution—where both people sharpen each other’s awareness, like steel against steel.
4. No Masks, No Performance
A true friendship is built on authenticity. Many people wear masks, hiding behind social roles, afraid of being truly seen. But a real friend removes the mask—and sees you clearly, flaws and all.
How to cultivate this:
• Speak without filters—say what you mean, and let them do the same.
• Drop the need to impress. Your value is not in performance, but in presence.
• If you struggle, let them know. If they struggle, hold them without judgment.
A friendship where no one has to perform is a friendship where truth can emerge.
5. Trust: The Foundation of Everything
Trust is not just about reliability—it is about knowing that the other person holds your awareness in the highest regard. It is certainty that you are safe, that you will not be manipulated, that your words and thoughts are valued.
How to cultivate this:
• Keep your word. If you say you will do something, do it.
• Do not weaponize vulnerability—if they share something deep, treat it with care.
• Let them know, through action, that they are safe with you.
True trust is not given instantly—it is built, action by action, moment by moment.
6. The Highest Form of Friendship: Shared Creation
The deepest friendships are not just about connection—they are about creating something together. A project, a philosophy, a shared reality. The greatest friendships in history changed the world.
How to cultivate this:
• Find something meaningful to build together—ideas, art, systems, understanding.
• Support each other’s work—if they have a vision, help them realize it.
• View your friendship as a dynamic force, not just a static connection.
Friendships like this do not fade, because they are always becoming.
Final Thought: Be the Friend You Want
If you seek deep, powerful friendships, become the kind of friend you wish to have. Friendship is not about waiting for the right people—it is about cultivating the kind of presence that draws those people to you.